Today JD turned 18. He is now a man. I took him out to eat for the last time as his mommy. Then we did some shopping, and now we are home. Did I mention I actually let him drive the Warthog?

this morning he went with his dad and took his drivers test and passed.. he is now a licensed driver, and dad bought him a year of insurance for his present. Cool present.

I havent been on much. Just not feeling well, distracted, not sleeping, overwhelmed, uptight about everything. Anxious. I need a break.

Tomorrow we go to Papas and he is making dinner. After that, I am officially on the diet of a lifetime. 25lbs quickly. No red meat, fat or crap. i have a Wii fit, and a weightloss coach. I am seriously not buying another thing until I loose this weight.  Im going to talk to my Dr about new meds, and order our medications through the mail vs in stores to save us a ton of fucking money. Other than that.. well, Im tired, and its bed time for me, and I wanted a new couch and I still dont have it. That makes me sad. I got a new chair, but its not couch. Cant curl up with the kids in a chair.

Emaly cut her bangs today.. bad. She got grounded and sent to bed. She knows Im mad at her, I refused to talk to her. I am so livid. i would have gotten her a hair cut, but for fucks sake, why did she fuck with her hair???

Current Mood: Frustrated

We moved the room around. We moved the bed. Its suppose to help, instead I woke up feeling as if life had rolled me off a cliff to land on a pile of rubble for eternity. Im > . < close to putting on a pain patch. I took pills earlier and it got me out of bed, but Im already to climb back in and hope that the GODS see it fit to rain down on us and show me some mercy.

Doug and I have reservations for dinner as he got a bonus. After a week with my brother, and weeks with the kids, he needs time with just me, although I feel as if I am not all here so kinda half empty.  But hey, kids are cleaning up so thats a wonderful thing.

I need to find a purse hook.. for all my new loves.. Vera Bradley is a curse.. addiction. One I can not simply afford.

Off to find peace and pills.. so I can somewhat be there tonight. I guess.

The last few days have been hellish around here.

Monday was Drs day. I didnt go in to the Chiropractors because Sunday left me tired. Cooking and cleaning and well it wasnt stressful, it was just lots of moving around.  I had my pain Dr apt and the Nazi didnt listen to a thing I said. She agreed with my PT that I am improving, but overall, shes just nuts. Work more, do more, harder harder, harder.  Now my 3 hours of PT are clearly 6 hours a week and more intense than ever. Im tired. I wish she understood what I was saying, but she clearly has no desire to listn to me.

Pain patches are making me break out. The medical ape is making me break out. I asked her to take me off them. Instead se kept me on them and lowered the dosage by half. I told her the dilaudid has NO effect. She didnt listen to me, she just kept me on it. What an idiot. I asked about my migraines, and nothing. I just want her to listen and HEAR ME. When I say I am using my stomach for every day life, hear it.

After that I had to take my Gram to her heart specialist. It was a good visit and she cleared up some misconceptions about her diet which will help her down the road with living a normal life.

Then it was home to work on BB while I remained frustrated as could be, I just hope for some quiet. My head hurts today, they are trimming trees. PT was long, and I hurt. I want ice packs and rest, and I hope when Doug gets home I get at least an hour of quiet rest.

I should go.. Loose power gain and I might just go ape on the neighbors who are killing my tree. I hate that, trimming off MY trees in MY back yard. I don’t care if they come over the line, you don’t OWN the air.  I just hate that they are hacking up my trees. I love my trees.  I fight with my mom over these trees. They are here for a reason, and hey bring life and air. WHY destroy them?  And when the cicadas come back in so many years, they wont have a tree to return to. No one has that right. My property, My tree. My rights. I just get angry over my trees. I love the shade. Im a tree hugger.