I have this massive family + a busy schedule.  Overall its just chaos.  I do not mind doing for my kids, I just feel tired and run down. It’s the cold. Wish it would go away.

Jds chedule seems to grow more busy by the moment, and mine with it. I need to get everything written down so I can see it, but i havent had time to upload it all into Outlook. My phone might just kill me at that point.  I have debated getting a car charger for my lil laptop, so I can use it for outlook on the go. I can also spend some time working while JD is in class, but I havent felt well enough to do much of anything. I did work on an image last night for a gaming site, but they made it impossible to finish without a ton of pixel by pixel work. I dislike that.

Canada Drys Sparkling Green Tea Ginger Ale SUCKS. It has antioxidants so I am drinking the crap, but it taste like ass.

Im torn over whom to vote for this election. Hillary was my choice, and still at this moment is. I know, I know. I cant vote for Palin, shes against what I am for. I cant vote for Obama, hes just a jack ass politician from Chicago, which scares me more than Palin being VP. I know we cant have another 4 to 8 yrs of Republicans, my bank account cant take it. But where does that leave me? I cant vote for someone I loath. Im in that rock and hard place.

I need to work on pixels when I can, get some tags started and done. Work on some tubes if I can. Ill have Doug put them on my laptop so I can work on them while the kids are at therapy. He says they now have WiFi at the therapy office, so I can work from there. Would be nice.  I should have him move my mail over then as well.

Other than that, life is just full of nothing. ROFL.  We are going to work on moving the bedroom around so I can set it up for winter. We have to move the bed away from the heat vent.  Dougs job is going ok, nothing new there. Well title change so now hes actually called what hes doing.

Emaly doesnt start school for another week, Jacks loving his classes. Noah has a full attitude issue that comes from being 6. We saw Pops this past weekend and the kidlets S&A. They had fun, Doug posted some video, but sadly I spent the time crashed on the couch. I went to lay down for a moment and

Doug took a few photos and I never woke up. The kids flipped the pool on one another, had a blast, laughed and giggled together. It was nice to see. Em even got to peel potatoes with Grandpa. It was fun, thats for sure. I wish we could see them more often.

Ok, time to get Jack on the bus, clean up some, take a nap, pick up JD, then get Noah, take JD to college, make dinner, clean up, do homework with the kids, baths, bed. Life is a cycle of chaos.

Today we enrolled JD in college. Hes a senior in Highschool. Hes also now a full time student at our local college taking 5 classes this fall. His total credit count for College will be  12 credit hours, 8 lecture hours and 8 lab hours.  This while also earning Highschool credits.  I do believe I’m a damn proud mom!

• Monday- Intro to hospitality- 630pm to 930pm
• Tuesday- Chocolate 5pm to 945pm
• Wednesday- Culinary arts& Food Prep 1- 230pm to 830pm
• Thursday - Nutrition/Menu Writing 5pm - 850pm (7 week classes)

I do find it sad that my baby is all grown up. His books weigh a ton, but hes getting his homework done, while working this job for the rest of the week. He will have 3 days off and a period in HS to work on these classes as well.  I just can’t imagine this. But next semester I think we are going to take a class together for this, a baking one. LOL .. Ya, me learn to bake. LOL I know how, just dont care for it.

Ok.. so thats the update. Cymbalta is working ok, Im not sleeping still.. but I have a lot going on with kids in school now and some home, new schedules to plan and just getting things underway. Life is fun, right?  RIGHT?

Ya.. it is.

My Dr tells me I feel pain differently than others. What the fuck that means I dont know. I went to see her because of numb fingers and toes. I did not go to see her to be tormented.
I told her if the meds worked for my pain I would be more than happy to stay on them. That my current meds scare me. She said they shouldnt. Well they dont work for all of my pain. I lived without them for 48 hours, it was hell. So yes, they do help some, just not in my neck and shoulders.
She took away one but then said nothing was wrong with me to cause me this much pain. I just feel pain differently than others, much more intense and sensitive. She said this is who things will always be, so they wont change. Bullshit on both ends. I was not like this before October, and I was not like this before the accident. I was making progress. I was getting OFF the medications. I was doing better. “I” was working with a team to make a progress plan and was beating the clock on the progress. I did not ask to have my truck rear ended and my neck snapped around. Bitch.
See what you dont know is that she claims nothing is wrong, but then WHY do Drs give me shots in my hip and shoulders? Why surgery? Why so many fucking medications? If nothing is wrong, why leave me on Fentanyl? Why? Because the truth is, my Dr doesnt believe that a certain condition exists and that chiropractors can HELP You. She called me a Gold Mine in reference to my Chiro, and then back pedaled when I told her HE was the one who wanted me to see HER.
My Pain is real. My life is miserable. I am always in an upset mood, because I hurt. Thats just the bottom line. But see, it cant be real, or is it?
In other words: I have Fibromyalgia but since she does not believe in the condition it is just that I process pain differently and feel it more intense. Im more sensitive, and that’s just how I like it so she says. Yep, Because 3 years ago I didnt miss one baseball game. Now Im tired and can’t spend a day out with my kids without medication. She says I need to do more.
I am going to do more. Im going to see the other Drs my Chiro wants me to see, get the new MRI, find out why my hand and foot are going numb. I am going to get proper treatment and get off the mix of medications she has me on.
If nothing is wrong, why on why Dr did you put me on Cymbalta today? WTF is wrong with you?

I hate my life the way it is, and no, there is no joy in not being able to be a mom to the best kids in the world. So screw you Dr, and take your shitty ass scripts with you.

It went horribly. I got supervision on an accident that wasnt my fault. We had a 24 hour lapse in our insurance when we switched to Geico. They do not tell you this when you sign up, because you never talk to someone. This is important to know.  I paid my fine, and the judge was very nice, he even said he wished he could do something else, he had no choice, and that sucked. I asked about the man who hit me and when we would go to court on that, he said I had to go to the police department, get the new accident report and ask. So we did.

And then we found out the idiot was in the same court room with us. We missed testifying because the JUDGE sent us to the police department. So we talked to the states attorney, and I called the idiots insurance company. He had no coverage on the date he hit us. No gap coverage, nothing. He got off with the failure to reduce speed because we were not there. He did not get off on the no license, but they had no way to know he did not have insurance, although they are going to go after him NOW for that. I am going to make sure they do. What he did was a crime and he should be in jail for it. Im living daily with this pain because of that fuck head, and he should be in jail or sent back to mexico where he belongs because HE IS an ILLEGAL. Point clear.

Tomorrow we go in to talk to my Dr about filing for the disability to help pay for these bills. My condition is not improving and even the one Dr I trust is pushing us now. He said if we had problems, she needed to call him. Im glad, because these meds are not working.

I did not take the meds for 48 horus, and I hurt everywhere. I forgot what the burning felt like in my hip. My knee hurt, my back, my shoulders, my arms, my hips ached with every move. My fingers locked up, everything, but mostly my neck the most. I can clearly say without the meds I am at an 11 all the time. The meds do work, just not on my head and neck. It brings them down to an 8, maybe a 7 on the good days. But at what cost?

2 Flexeril, 2 Dilaudid, 1 Vicoprofen, 1 Tylenol4, 1 600m Ibuprofin, 1 Firocet and a Fentanly Patch.. and I might get to a 7.

I still have no range of motion in my neck. I lay in bed and if I lift my head it hurts and kills me. I just hurt. Its like hitting me with a crowbar in the inside of my neck. Not to mention the damn loss of feelings and the dropping of things. I wasnt like this before. It has to go away, or I will just give up, and what is that going to do.. not much. Cant live like this, no quality of life, none.

I havent slept. My sleep is restless, its broken and during the day hours. I need to get on a regular schedule. I lay and even with the pills I am wide awake when the sun rises. I do not understand it.

My neck is getting better, but the pain is pretty bad. Im working with the Drs and attempting to stay on course even with the new schedules I will be working hard to get healed. The court dates been set for the accident, I hope to be fine by then. We even changed insurance companies over this accident, coverage for medical was just not enough before. Even though it wasnt my fault.

Doug bought me presents, and I had gifts arrive in the mail. I got new VB pieces today.. which made me smile. I got some peices in the Medallion pattern, I also got a travel bag in the Mesa Red and My Capri Melon came in the mail. I also have some ordered which is awesome. Im still waiting on the Betsy I won on Ebay a while ago, but that will be checked on tomorrow.  I picked up a few wallets and checkbook covers to match other sets I have to complete things. Pink Elephants and Windsor Navy, Capri Blue are on the list. I need to call when I am home about the Pink Capri Lindsay I bought, which is missing a tie on the end. I would like to get the piece so it has all the parts it should have. It has to wait a few days, but thats not that bad.

Kids are great. Jd finished getting everything the two of them needed for HS done, so everything is set now. I have to still figure out the younger 4, but they are moving schools and kids and closing one so I hope Doug can make the meeting tomorrow night to tell me where I need to go. Its hard, 6 kids in 6 schools, but the hardest part is that I have to double enroll

Damage to my neck goes down from the C3 to the C7. Fusing the C3 and C4 is the option but will restrict mobility. concern now is that I loose strength and feeling in my fingers on the left and in my toes. Toes go numb, but I can feel them still.  Traction is my best friend next to surgery. Back on heavy pain patches and pain killers.  Patches on shoulders and neck at night help me sleep, but I am still up till 6am and sleeping from 630 to 10am. Running on empty.

I have a love for Vera Bradley. New addiction. Lucky me I can shop online. Blackberry has a great browser for this. LOL I picked up the Mesa Red pattern in the tote, laptop case, and messenger bag so it completes my collection. only thing I really want is fabric so I can make a duvet cover and curtains in it. LOL Yes, I love it. That much.  I am actually trying to find the fabric in several colors, thinking while I am in rehab I could get my embroidery machine out and buy a ton of tshirts, and embroider hearts in the fabrics on all my shirts, so I have one to match all of them. LOL

JD thinks its annoying when I ask him to swap out my purse contents. New wallet, check book cover, id bags ect. I love it. I also want to find a way to make my book match. Maybe I could glue fabric on the cover? I dont know, I can figure it out somehow.

I was on the website trying to put my collection together and its just so hard to do on the phone. I need to take photos when I get home and have my camera back. I love the Java Blue, Mesa Red, Pink Elephant and a few others.  Yes, this is what my extra curricular activities have come down to while I am awaiting my neck to get fixed.  I get to sit and shop. I cant do graphics, I cant stare at the computer for lengths of time. Being upright is so painful for long lenghts of time, and the constant swirl effect of life has me sick to my stomach all the time. My shoudlers feel the pain, nothing is good. It just sucks.

So thats that. Mom should get home tomorrow. I want to snuggle with my kids. I want to snuggle period. I just dont want to be in pain, that would be nice. Have it managed.

My mother and I were in my Truck, I was driving, we were rear ended. Both ended up in the hospital, I have a cervical sprain ontop of my already damaged neck. My mother is better, not really hurt other than normal damage from the trauma of an MVA. Whatever the hell that means. She is more emotionally worked up where I am physically in a SUCKY ASS position.

Saw Chiropractor. Pain is always on a 10. Guarded movements, protecting my neck. Range of motion was a tad better after I saw the massage therapist, everything just pops and hurts. I feel locked up physically with my movements.

See pain specialist on Monday, we will figure it out then. No vacation for me, tomorrow is suppose to be the worst for the pain. 48 hours after the accident and then for 10 to 14 days after. Back on fentanyl and the dilaudid. Heck the ER gave me 3 vicodin and 2 flexeril and they didnt even touch me. Pain is just horrid.

Going to lay down.